If you are interested, I have a blog to talk about my journey and my thoughts and ideas. The Broken Dish Sisterhood.
You may not know it from looking at me or even when interacting with me that I am bi-polar, dyslexic and have autism. I had a challenging childhood only in that I could never understand why I was bullied and didn’t have friends. My parents were great and although they didn’t always understand me they protected me and bolstered me up. They believed in me and they believed in my power as a visual artist.
When I went off on my own into adult life I became involved in an abusive relationship for many years. First living together, then in marriage and then as parents to three children all of which inherited various forms of bio-chemical deficiency, most likely from both of us, resulting in a plethora of learning disabilities. After a harrowing divorce I struggled to co-parent with this troubling individual until very recently when our third child graduated from college and I let go.
Going back and forth between homes is never a stable situation for children, even with healthy and congenially divorced co-parents. My children suffered from being raised by an their abusive father. I have always thought of myself as a good parent and certainly never lacked in commitment, sacrifice, patience and love when raising my children. I made art, taught art and rejoiced in art with them throughout their childhood. I always put them first. However, recently it has occurred to me that simply by trying to hide my darkness from them and simultaneously trying to shelter them from emotional/psychological pain, as their pain was insufferable to me when added to my own, that I also failed them in many ways.
One of my children is a trans woman, coming out at the age of twenty-seven, as well as bipolar. Two are dyslexic and suffer from depression and anxiety and the fourth child that I have through my second marriage is autistic but having a solid father to raise him has enabled him to evolve into a very well rounded individual despite the genetic biological challenges that have plagued him. These children of mine are very much in my consciousness and thoughts all the time and no amount of beautiful pristine landscape can allow me to avoid tackling and expressing the challenges they face in my artwork.
They Are My Heart …